I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
Naked Twister starts at high noon
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
Randomize
