I molested 6 butterflies tonight
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
Randomize
