I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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