also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
I'm getting married
To pizza
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
Randomize
