in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
I like my sex mixed with concussions.
dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
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