you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
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