I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
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