You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
Randomize
