CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
Liz is crying about burritos again.
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
