I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
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