hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
Randomize
