my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
Randomize
