I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
