loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
Randomize