You did that once after drunk driving from a photo shoot
That was very cool/italian of you
Which brings me to my next point, how come italians are so well adapted to drunk driving
So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
Randomize
