i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
He? As in you personified your dick?
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
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