you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
Randomize
