Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
Randomize
