He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
