Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
Found your dick twin last night
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
Randomize
