Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
Randomize