I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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