she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
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