It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
A bitchslap is in order.
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
Randomize
