So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
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