I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
