We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
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