Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
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