Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
Randomize
