SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
You can't motorboat a personality
We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
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