I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
Randomize
