i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
We have so much sex to catch up on
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
Randomize
