At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
Randomize
