I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
is it bad if I use the term bowl as a measurement of time, as in how long it takes to smoke a bowl?
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
Randomize