just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
Randomize
