Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
Randomize