i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
Do you remember whose house we're in?
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
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