OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
Randomize
