Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
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