and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
Randomize