he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
No...this little piggys going to the bar
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
Randomize
