if i died would you start the facebook group?
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
Randomize