As gay men are we obligated to learn the Single Ladies dance.
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
Randomize
