Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
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