Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
Randomize
