also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
i came on her dog
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
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