There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
Randomize
