every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
Randomize