"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
Farmville is her only friend.
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
Randomize
