LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
Randomize
