apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
