I see my mary-anne walkin' awa-y-y! Bow Nahw now new, ne ne ne ne ne, ne ne nehw, ne ne new new Nah dan ah bwawn-now, ba bwan'll buh dada bwiddly doo.
That was supposed to be me air guitaring the solo from More than A Feeling
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
Randomize
