I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
Randomize
