In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
Randomize
