New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Randomize
