Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
Randomize