She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
Randomize
