; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
I'm not sure, 7-8, the last bit was a rush of at least three blended together. Basically you fucked me so stupid that I can't even recall the number of orgasms.
So you know, I'm making that my facebook status.
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
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