my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
Randomize
