some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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