True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Randomize
