Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
