I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
Randomize
