Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
Even my vagina gasped.
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
