there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
you win again, gameday.
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
Randomize
