your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
