rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
Randomize
