He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
Randomize
