heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
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