hotel room ftw
there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
Who did Billy Mays play for?
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
Randomize
