were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
Randomize
