I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
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