Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
Randomize
