1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize