If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
