Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
Randomize
