He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
Randomize
