I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
You are the jesus of drinking
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
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