Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
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