I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
I'm like, not good at living.
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
Randomize
