Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
Randomize
