He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
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