idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
i was looking up hair salons in ithaca for the wedding and one is a hair salon/ sake bar! you can have sake or champagne while you get your hair done!
question, how would one sake-bomb while getting hair done without getting a horrible haircut?
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
The streets are paved with hand jobs
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