using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
3pm strippers are depressing
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
Randomize
