help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
Randomize
