his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
Randomize
