i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
Randomize
