So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
Randomize
