I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
Randomize
